Boobs on Fire !!!

This blog is set to the song by journey, because that is what i was singing when part of the incident played out. go ahead to the bottom of the page and click the play arrow and  start to read the sad story. OK, the story...

My boobs are on fire. Why? I will tell you why, because i am a moron! I took a hot tub, i was wet and freezing cold, so i grabbed a hoodie and let my swimsuit top drop to the ground. I zip the hoodie up real fast, so no one would see. The zipper goes up with a errt and then.... OHMIGAWD, a dead, ripping, pain... sears (did i spell it right, is it like the store? Oh who gives a damn!) through my left boob! Yes, i have done what so many guys out there has done, but with my chesticle. So it not only looks ugly, it is on fire, but now it is a worse fire. Shall i explain? I go to lay down in bed, i am alone tonight..don't get any crazy notion, because i can protect myself well. I am trained to kick your ass... I am a mother flippin' Black and Blue belt. Piss with me and i will beat you black and blue!OK, so i am lying here trying to fall asleep. There is no man snoring. The dog wont lay by me. I start to go through the regular...ohmigawds i cant believe this shit.. I spent four years in college to wipe peoples asses, wait on them hand and foot, taxi them around. I don't get paid. Bastardz! Then i remember how i used to be. I start singing, Any way you want it!""She loves to laugh, she loves to sings, she does everything"" then i realize OK, my boobsicle hurts. I stand up start dancing up and down in the dark, ""She loves to move, she loves to grove"" BOOM!!! I trip over the high heel flip flops, i was wearing earlier....and then I lie there and silently cry for a minute and then i continue ""she loves the loving things!"" I sniffle and head to the bathroom on my hands and freaking knees. I am so tired at this point, i reach into the medicine cabinet and then grab the antibiotic cream. OK this is where it gets sexy. <insert sexy voice> I squirt some cream into my right hand, it is so cool and moist. I proceed to rub it on my breasticle...Oh yea...Ahhh! I walk back to the bed. I lie down close my eyes, start to sing. ""All night, All night"" Oh Holy F*ck!! My boobs start burning, i smell mint, eucalyptus and old people. I think what the hell?? I lift it to my nose and smell my hands. The creamy hand touches my lips! UCKY! Wait it smells like Kodiak, rough cut mint..i love the little nip it gives you...holy hell boobs!!! Fire!!! I jump up, rip my shirt off and get in front of the fan, jumping up and down like a weirdo...screaming all kind of obscenities. I jump into the shower and scrub the stuff off with my husbands ball cleaner, does he use this thing? Are my breasticals going to smell like testicles? Oh hell i don't care..MAKE THE PAIN STOP! It ceases, i go back to bed i lie down and then...i start to itch! I go back to the bathroom and this time turn the damn light on. Grab some triple antibiotic cream and then i squirt it allover, my left boob. Then i start doing this itching dance, jumping up and down in my underwear and no t-shirt. Screaming Make it Stop! Make it Stop. Make the itch STOP!! I decide i need benadryl. My bathroom is out of it. I grab a big towel, go down 18 flipping stairs, miss the bottom step and THUD! Oh sweet baby Jesus..is enough, enough yet? I go to the downstairs medicine cabinet and grab the benadryl. It falls to the floor twice! I grab two, place them on the counter, set the bottle back on the shelf..it falls. I pick it up, sit it on the shelf again... it freaking falls. Seriously? I pick the mother flippin" bottle up and throw it as hard as i can. It hits the cabinet door and smacks me in the forehead. I rub it and Begin to sniffle... Holy mother flipping hell. I touched my eyes, does this shit not wipe off... BURN!! My eyes are on Fire. I begin to do the fire dance. I pick the bottle up one more time and blindly aim for the cabinet. She throws..SHE  SCORES! SUCESS.... WINNING! I get to my room and go to pop the pink pills in my mouth, i turn the light on just to make sure i got the right pills! I hope i can get my child to school in the morning! **sigh**