A few people have wondered if I make my blog material up. The answer is...No! If you would like to bring cameras in, schedule a visit, or you just wanna walk in these shoes..let me know. Cuz this shit is real! I haven't been able to blog as much as i like, because I am a slave to my family and Christmas. Plus my marriage is under attack. We are going through a hard time, Rick is snoring... the bad kind!The kind where you are so tired, you want to punch him in the back with a knife. Maybe a plastic one, but still... I want to inflict great pain! He has blamed it on the dog, me, thunder. So I recorded his escapades.. he says it is not him. He wont admit it, so every time he tries to concentrate on an email, or he is watching TV, I hit the play button. Then he can enjoy his own symphony, the one I hear nightly. I have started to wear earplugs it is so bad. Rick is a bad influence, because the pup is now doing it too! Charlie Wilkinpup has not been sleeping through the night. He has been leaving his bed and squirming his way in between us, under the covers. Which winds up waking us up. The other night there was horrible snoring, it woke both Wilkindad and me up. It was Wilkinpup. He was laying on his back in between us, he had his mouth half open and snoring noises were coming out of his nose. Rick got testy and said " Well why dont you get your little recorder out and tape him?" I said " Serious, he is a dog. What am I going to do.. play it to annoy him, while he naps during the day?" Rick was tired and serious. I said "Deal with it, like I do every night, this chick has earplugs...sleep tight baby. Last night I thought, maybe he is cold at night, so I put dog jammies on Charlie. I thought maybe he got cold at night and that's why he leaves his bed. He slept all night! Yes! Wilkindad got out of the shower this morning and looked at the dog, did a double take and said. "Does Chuck have striped pajamas on?" Yes, he does and he slept all night! I am a genius! Savannah and I were watching her fish eating this morning. I thought how cool the frogs in her tank jump up, and snatch the big pieces of food! That is neat as hell! Then i said to Savannah. " Where did your 5 neon fish go?" She said " They have been hiding real good lately." I look at the frogs bellies and say" yea, I think I know where. Look at how fat your frogs tummies are, they are either visiting a Chinese buffet, when we go to sleep, or they have eaten your fish!" she says. " Mommy, the pet shop wouldn't be stupid to sell a kid, fish eating frogs! When will they poop my fish back out, then we can take the frogs out, so they dont eat the fish again!" (Oo) We are waiting on the arrival of frog, poo fish! My mom came over to help put the kids tree up, the children have been complaining, that it doesn't feel like Christmas. Last year they wanted it so bad, I said they had to help. The little turds hung a trillion ornaments on one branch, I complained that it looks like crap. What the heck! Then they layed on their backs looking at me doing all the work. Pointing out their thoughts and the bald spots. I banished them from the room. I was left to do the whole tree. All the little Wilkintards want, is presents under the tree, so they can shake them and fondle them. I have tried many things in the past, because we have peekers. Brittney the oldest was the worst! I tried putting opposite names on the boxes, Eric wound up getting barbies.Which at one point he didn't care. So we had to wrestle Little Mermaid Barbie out of his grips, because we had a crying sister. We tried color coding, then I forgot who's color was who's and I couldnt find the note I wrote...so I had to unwrap the bottom of the boxes. Which messes Christmas morning up! This year I am going with the genius idea of name tags. I give up!I am kind of concerned we arent going to get snow. Last Christmas Eve the oldest kids, took the twins sledding. They got home at 3am. I was hoping to join in this year with the little girls. So soon I will be doing my Ancient Snow Dance, but not naked.. like your typical rain dance. I am having one hell of a time typing, because my nails are too long. I just got them done Friday night. After I seen what they did to my eyebrows. I was afraid to let them alter any other part of me. My eyebrows are so thin, I look like I am a surprised Asian Hooker! If my husband asks how much longer, it is going to take for them to grow back, or if he moves my hair to cover my eyebrows... I am going to take a razor to his caterpillars... I SWEAR! The UPS man came to retrieve the ball protector. We could only send one back to amazon. We got to talking and I told him, the story about Zachass trying on the one athletic supporter on and punching himself in the junk, in my kitchen and how he fell to the ground moaning. I also told him how he threw it at my head in the morning, when i was sleeping and Wilkinpup chewed it up! The man told me his son also tried this once. I had the man in tears of laughter, so I did my duty of making someones day!Plus it made me feel less dysfunctional. Go Me! Yesterday I got to see one of the twins wrestle for the first time. I have to admit, I thought it was creepy! There is no other thought for it! Speaking of creepy... Zachass came out of Wrestling practice the other night, walking to the car with one shoe on. We still haven't found the left shoe, who would take one shoe? Why does this stuff happen to Zach. He has also lost boxers at school once. He came home commando! I don't wanna know! I am not working now, no one has been hiding. I am still part of the rescue team, but just hanging there by a small life preserver. Not doing much with it. I was thinking since, i am a housewife right now, maybe I should be the best one... I can be. Maybe I should excel and make cookies and shit. I decided against it five minutes later. I think i was someone real fancy in my last life time, and this little less pampered girl..cant deal with that. I feel like cleaning crud..is beyond me. I wanna be a princess, or find a cleaning lady that can live up to my expectations. One that doesn't charge, like she has a PHD. I'm getting desperate. While cleaning the cat box, with my expensive manicure I thought. "Wow if everything that stunk around here left... it would just be me! Of course, I wouldn't have a refrigerator, or a dishwasher, but if i am alone who needs them? Oh, i found out yesterday, you can add bleach to your dishwasher without killing anyone. Well so far...How cool is that? |
HHAAAHAHAHHAA by the time I got to "excel and make cookies" I was totally in tears!!!!!
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