Parenthood, Batteries and Pain!

Last night i woke up to a feeling of pressure, on my tummy. I tried hard to open my eyes, i was exhausted. I seen a little fuzzy black figure, with two, pointed, black ears. It was Tallulah, the cat. I couldn't imagine what the hell she was doing, sleeping on me. In my psychotic, sleep deprived, rationalisation, i decided she was either there to kill me, or she was protecting my last two, sour eggs, from ever being fertilized. I use to have seven kids at home, now i have five. I guess we cant really consider the man child, a child. So we have four.Things are harder, then ever now. The twins are fifteen and they eat, like a 300 lb man at a buffet. Plus they are always trying to kick my ass. I used to consider wrestling, as playing with them, Now i consider it punishment. Punishment for me! I know self defense, i know it well enough to take a grown man, to his knees. (0 o) focus Stephanie. OK, back on track. These little shits, get me in holds and all i can do is tap out, be defeated, or inflict major pain. They don't give up either. Tonight was their first wrestling match, i was not invited. They wanted to do it, without me first. Next time i get to go! So, when i picked the meanies up, i gave them a dose of meanness. Zach said. " Mom i won, my match!" I said, " Ya, so and so's mom told me, she said you were up against a little girl, you be the man!" He said. " No way! It was this big guy, i almost pissed myself!" I said. "Yep, I was told about the waterworks too!" Zach said. "OK, OK, whatever little woman!" Noah gets in the car. He hates me to talk about him, so i might start doing blogs, solely on him! Back to the story, i have Christmas burnout and I am  all over the place. Noah calls, fifteen minutes before the meet is up and he asks me to go buy him a bottom mouth protector, so he can be in the meet. Wait, there is fifteen minutes left kid, are you serious? So he said fine, never mind. So,back to Noah getting in the car. Noah is always lagging behind and he is always complaining. He says. " Mom, they want me to shave my moustache off, or i cant compete and i like my moustache. I say, " Kid, how can those four hairs, be in the way? Are they making you heavier? I just don't get it!" Noah says. "Whatever Woman!" Molly is doing cheer leading, and her coach is satanic. She wants the girls there at 6:15am. The rest of my waking moments consist of Molly, swinging her arms around and doing back flips in my house. Making stupid sounds and acting like a tard. Savannah talks, i mean to everyone, including herself. She can take a half an hour bath and talk to herself. I love my youngest, just like i love all the little assholes! She is my last chance of normal...it is not looking well. If i take her shopping, i pretty much prepare for a migraine. Blah, Blah, Blah. I hear about everyone in her class, i hear about their families, which makes me feel more functional. There is some messed up stuff going on, with the kids from the second grade!I seriously need a mommy break, i have had the kids home 5 days. They go back, get a half a day yesterday, and now today I had three of them home sick. I don't remember this many days off when i was a kid. Did we get as much, as they do now? I don't think so. Being a mom is a tough job, it is never about you. I need more about me times! I am not the perfect mom. I spoil a lot, i lose my temper, and sometimes i just except things, that others wouldn't. Like spills on the ceilings, lights left on, and the fact no one picks up after themselves. I try to have a friends approach, unless they really mess up. Sometimes i am childish and I say things i shouldn't. Last week Zach was in a hurry to go to his friends house, I was in the store with him and only needed a few things. I had no list, i had to think. I really needed this stuff for Thanksgiving dinner. The kid kept griping, whining and acting like a man. I sad to him much to loud. " Listen you little, baby, back bitch...if i don't get batteries...we are all going to suffer! Let me make it clear, we needed batteries for the deep frier. Seriously! After it came out of my mouth, this very, classy, older woman passed us. I was completely... mortified! He said. " I'm so sorry mommy, please don't beat me! I will be more patient while you get your batteries!" "I promise mommy! just don't do that thing to me again!" As he said this, all i could do is bust out in laughter, till the tears came down. I squatted by the battery isle, soaking up the tears with my hoodie. Every time i looked at Zach i kept laughing harder. Since this moment, we have ran into the same woman three times, in just a week. Funny how we never seen her before. This is a Thanksgiving memory, him and i will share forever... **sigh**