Wilkintard Children Should NOT Have Pets!

 One word...Animals. Why, cant my kids just want an easy pet? Something "I" wont grow attached to? How about a beta? Wait, i would freak out, because he was in a small bowl, and pretty soon..the damn thing would have a 55 gallon tank to itself. Then i would feel bad, because he was lonely, and then he would have a mate. Next they would kill each other, and i would feel bad about it. How about a pet rock? I wanted a cat, my mom wouldn't let me have one. So seven year old me, got a Rock from the driveway, put it in a shoe box and fed it spaghetti. His name was Rocky.  He never ran away, he never hid, and he never died on me. I wonder where i left him, now i feel guilty. The woman let me look like a fool carrying the thing around, talking to it, and feeding it. I never got the cat. I thought she would give in... Guess who wins now mom, i got two cats, black ones...just like i wanted. nanner, nanner!  Yes, you were right.. they are dirty. They pee in my dirty laundry, when their box isn't clean enough. The fat one howls like a fiend every night, as she hunts the boys clothes, and drops the dirty clothes in the upstairs hallway. If only i could train her to take dirty clothes downstairs...that would be golden!! They really are useless creatures, except at Halloween time.After losing Gabby in March, our beloved Cocker Spaniel, 3 y/o ..i said NO more. A week later i drove to Indiana to get Charlie. He is everything i wanted in a dog. Sweet, loves everyone, loves to cuddle, and i can trust him with any neighbor kid, including a toddler. What i dont like about him is the mess between his legs. It is making him crazy!! He is escaping, like a little manwhore. Friday he goes in for his ballsectomy, and i am not backing out this time. Today i went to the cemetery, just to stop for a second. I was with the oldest Wilkintard, and instead of leaving Charlie in the car, i took him out. I didn't want to leave the window down, he would jump out, if i left the car running he would of hit the locks...he has done it before, so i took him out. I let go long enough to stick a light into the ground. It wound up being, an hour adventure. I tried getting him back with commands, cussing, bribing with cheese sticks. Then i started to do what you shouldn't, i chased the dumb shit. Since he grew a pair, he doesn't listen to me. We wound up chasing him, throwing flip flops at him, thinking he would play catch, ok i admit it, it got to the point i was pissed, and i wanted to whack him upside the head! Here we have two grown women, running through the cemetery, screaming STOP! Come Back! Quit it! I hate you... You Mother F'er! with each scream he ran faster, and faster! I'm surprised the people that lived next to the cemetery didn't hear the screams and call the police. I summonsed the spirits. I asked. " Spirits Help!" He ran our way! OMG It is working! Brittney was amazed, until he ran passed us, and pissed on a vase of flowers. OMG i felt so bad, we wiped it off and told whomever, we were so sorry! Then we asked that person to get him back, and capture him. Spirits dont like helping with animals. Damn it! At one point i threw a stick thinking maybe he would play, i have bad aim. It hit the lil shit in the ass. He went up on two legs, whinnied like a horse, and made a screeching noise. I always make contact with someones body, when i am mad..and i dont mean too! Ask my husband. Finally Charlie stopped to piss on this big, barky tree. I lunged at him, and fell into the tree. That hurt, and i have a skinned knee, but i captured prisoner #44321. He spent 15 minutes in doggie jail, it was more like 10 minutes, but i dont want to look like a softy. After that crap, i had to go to McLovins cage, where his lifeless little body was hidden by a white wash cloth. A sheet was to big. All the people i had to Pick up, when i was working in the morgue, flashed back at me, the people that we had to drag out of the river, all the autopsies. They couldn't compare. Let me shamelessly admit... Getting McLovin out of the cage was worse. It was creepy, horrifying and icky! I got the shivers. I take animal death bad, bad, BAD! I crabbed him by the tail, lizardmortis had already set in. He had been dead for 15 hours. I am not using forensic science. I noted the last time we poked him in his lizzard ass, and he didn't protest! I let out a creepy shrilling, scream, like a girl! Stuffed him in a bubble, envelope, body bag, and took him for his Lizardtopsie. I stick him in the back of a Jeep Liberty Hearse, no cot needed. Thank God!! Everyone who has ever worked with me, knows "I have cot issues!" Cause of death... dehydration. I could of figured that out yesterday, when i was misting him, and putting drops of water into his mouth with an eyedropper. EMT's will fight for the end...for any Lizards life. We go to the pet shop, after 100 and some pieces of paper later, used to buy lights, bulbs, food.. Molly looks at the adult Lizzards at the pet shop, and she says. "Gross those things are so ugly..i hate them, i dont want one.. they scare me!" Did she not think McLovin was going to get big? In my parental lifetime i have had a hedgehog named Sonic, that lost all his quills. After vet bills, and meds, he died on the day Molly was born. He must of been a psychic Hedgehog. Just saying! I remember being in the recovery room, and Brittney calling crying. "Sonic is not moving, the new baby killed him. Then we had a snake for two minutes...I pointed out the door!Then a Mexican Chinchilla, named accordingly...Diablo..came in his place, he escaped to the basement when i was nine months pregnant, with Savannah. He roamed free for 2 weeks, we couldn't get him.Finally he came upstairs and i grabbed him and said. " Cute little baby, you must be hungry. Let me get you... HOLY FUCK! He bit my finger, and latched on, I shook my arm, and he stayed on. Finally he let go, and he flew through the air!! There was a lot of cussing that day, also a trip to the emergency room, so i could get shots! Next there was a turtle named Kirby, Noah broke his arm bad, when he was 5. He got Kirby, as a cheer up gift. He ran with that turtle.. everywhere. He never put him down. One day when i was responsible for him...he  ran away, out of his outside, inclosure . How far can a turtle get in an hour...FAR! It is still thrown in my face. "I let him go." Totally untrue! This is why Wilkintard children should NOT have pets!