No bones about it.

A few weeks ago i got an MRI scan. My back has been killing me. It was not my finest moment.

I was given medicine to take to relax me, because I'm very, very claustrophobic. Medicine, no problem, I can do this thing, right? Wrong!

Monday morning comes, I'm rushing, rushing, like every other morning, before this morning for the last  hundred years!

I manage to get out the door, ten minutes before the appointment started. Success!!! I hear the sounds of angels singing.! The theme to Rocky plays in my head! Winning!

I arrive on time and have to go through a check list of the things before I get into the MRI tube. Tube, oh crud, I feel nervous. I start going through a check list.

Do you have a metal plate in your head, I wish! The stories I could tell. The airport would be hell, though. I check ...NO

Do you have any metal screws or bolts in your body? I think of Frankenstein. Ha Ha! I wonder how many days until Halloween? I check....NO

Are you claustrophobic? Hell yea I am! I check... YES!

Did the doctor prescribe any medication for the procedure? I check....YES!

Is there any comments you would like to leave for the technician?
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Yes, I forgot to take the medicine prescribed! Oh my God! I'm going to die. Wait, I'm a BIG girl. I think I can do this!

Long story shortened. The lady,who was very understanding gave me my options and explained, squeeze the ball thingy, if you need to come out. Do not try to get out by yourself, you will get hurt.

 OK, Here we go. Feet first.  I got this. Put me in, I'm not going to act like an idiot. The lady pushes the button. I slowly start moving forward, my feet get into the MRI tube. Oh my God!!! I'm going to die. Panic! I can't breath! My feet can Not breathe! Get me out, get me out! Now! The lady, gets me out!

Maybe music will help, she says. She shoves music in my ears with a stethoscope looking thing. The music plays for two seconds, It's the song Kryptonite, I hear the lyrics " the dark side of the moon." I squeeze the ball. She says, you aren't in yet. I think music is a bad idea, just put me in. I'm going to try really hard. I can do this! Now I know, with this condition, I can never be an astronaut.

Why the hell am I thinking this? I've never considered being an astronaut, I didn't even want to see the movie Gravity. Oh my God! Having your face covered up in a space helmet would be scary, like being stuck in a damn tube. Holy crap, I'm in a tube.

Think of something so you Dont freak out. Hurry! George Clooney was in that movie Gravity, he is kinda cute. Think of George Clooney!

Third attempt. The table starts moving into the tube, she gets my feet in, all the way to my knees. Oh my God! Help me! Help me! Get me out! Get me out! I can't! I CANT! She says, you can let go of the ball now you're out!

At this point, I feel like a complete ass. She gives me my options, one being leave and reschedule.
 I said, can you just get someone here to drug me. I want to take a magic carpet ride! She explains they can't, even though the hospital is full of all these drugs, that would do just that. She said no!
 Can't someone just trip, while holding a needle of something?

So she gets an idea, maybe we can blindfold you, so you won't know where you are. You can pretend your not in there. Think of a happy memory. I'm so going to know I'm in there, Lady!

The tube moves forward, I Dont want to come back. Never! I gotta get through this somehow. I pretend I'm in a tanning bed, I start to think about a happy memory, but all i can think about is all the stupid things the kids have done, in the last week. I begin to get uneasy.

My knees start to twitch. I think. You gotta do this, everyone is judging you. Easy for them to judge, they aren't stuck in this damn tube the size of a straw. I'm going to so buy myself a milkshake when I'm done here and a stinking happy meal. Seriously, I'm bribing myself with McDonalds, like a child! I want nuggets too.

I start to breathe deep and i decide to meditate. I hear a thump, thump, thump. I think wow, this is kinda like a drum circle, this could be relaxing. Then the loud thumps come, like a bunch of angry, hippys high on LSD. I wish I had
LSD right about now. Wait, I probably dont. I'd have some bad hallucinations while stuck in this tube. Holy shit, I'm in the tube! Like all of me is in this tube. I should squeeze this bulb thing!

Then the ladies voice comes in the tube, like an angel. Stephanie how are you doing? I'm OK. Why the hell did I just say, I'm OK! I'm not OK. I want to flip over and climb the hell out of this tube. Then I thought, I wonder if that has ever happened to her before?

I see visions of some crazy person, clawing their way out of a tube. Ohmigawd! How would I even flip over? If I do this, she will tell everyone and everyone will think I'm nuts. No, not think. It will be confirmed.

Pretty soon, I start thinking wild and crazy thoughts like, cremation maybe a better option for me, considering there would be no escape plan in a coffin, at least this tube is open on two ends. I start to ponder, why can't my mind shut off, ever? Am I even normal?

I managed to get through it. Out of pure will and strength, oh an the fear of being judged. I got a happy meal to award myself, inside my bag was some joke of a toy, a Lego cup. At least it could of been a good toy. I remember looking at the cup thinking, that would be one heck of a shot cup. I still have it. It is like a trophy for a girl that spent 45 minutes in a tube.
No bones about it, I will never get into that tube again.